if u have not already please go and read Mar'kel-ja and me Alien Lord's fic. it is called AYAA. then after u have please give us some feedback. like: is it good. is it interesting.
please be constructive in ur critizism. we do want to improve. thank u. and i hope u all like the story.

I am reading it now and assume you got promission from slof to use her characters and ideas and species?

OK, from what I have noticed is that the story changes from 1st person to 3rd person, you might wanna do something about that!
I am still reading it!

OK, good story but a few careless mistakes, here instead of her, capitals where there should be none and it also changes tense, from past to present. Again the story shifts from 1st person to 3rd person, you might want to do something about that!
I enjoyed the story and look forward to the rest!

What does AYAA stand for?
If you don't put that Slof said you can use her characters, you are gonna get flamed. You put credit in Creation-when are you gonna update that anyway?

ok. thank u hicks for ur feedback. ummmm. well on the 3 and first person thing. ummmmmm. dont really know about that. on giving credit. i still have to do this. but when i started COAL i asked slof if i could use those characters from the rock wolve planet. she said that the seeded planets were for people to write off of. now this is earlier then i expected to say this but here it goes. my creation of alien lord will connect into this. the "custard" from my story is the human ship that is killing off sliithsss children on the seeded planets. it is heading for the rockwolve world. my creation of alien lord should be updated soon. chapter five will be the connection to AYAA. AYAA stands for alien yautja allied attack. and thank u for the way u put this all. u didnt go saying that it sucked or anything. thank u. i appreciate that. credit will be put up now. i will go and post it up.

and before i forget. i am sorry slof for not giving u credit right away. sorry.
thank u again slof for letting mar and me use ur seeded rock wolve planet and ideas.

Quote:

I am reading it now and assume you got promission from slof to use her characters and ideas and species?

of course i did, she knew that we were writing about

Yeah ok! You asked for feedback and I gave it! I am enjoying reading it and it will continue, but the tense and character changes may me get a bit feed up with it!
I wish you both good luck in the furture!

Yep, they did ask me first! It is considered proper as Hicks said to mention who gave permissions etc, just to save yourself a lot of hassle as much as anything!

As far as doing different tense in a story, there's not really anything wrong with that, as long as it's kept fairly obvious - the best way to do it, is to split the tenses and pov's with a line of dots ...... or stars ******.

I use the same thing in my stuff, I switch from first-person S'liithsss pov, and third-person human pov - I always separate these with stars, and even format the third-person in italics to further make it obviously different. The same thing applies with past and present tense in the few instances I've used that. It's better to keep whole paragraphs in one or the other, rather than switch every other sentence - just keeps confusion down to a minimum.

Slof is right, but because you don't use obvious separation, it is hard to tell. I also mentioned changing tenses in ur COAL thread!
Slof expect an PM from me soon!

thank u again for all of ur comments here. as soon as i get some time i will be making repairs on my story. just for clarification i mean my COAL story. when mark and me get Deadly alliance a couple more chapters then we will fix it up.

Looking forward to it!

thank u. i appreciate that. and hicks how is ur fics coming along.
i really liked them all. a little weird. but interesting.

I have done some new one, and once I get back to my home PC I will load the new stuff.
Check out my FanFic profile for my new stories; including a Alien POV one, it does use a few ideas and that from DOX but the plot is totally different.
My profile is
http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=282578